All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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