Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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