he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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