Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
