it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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