I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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