i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize