The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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