Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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