I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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