there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize