Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
