I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
