my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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