Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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