How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
