I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
