why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
