She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
