As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
