he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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