So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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