eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
