Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
