I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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