I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
