i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
