Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
