Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
