If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
