I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You took a bar mat shot.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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