loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Panties = found
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