He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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