Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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