I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just forgot I was standing up.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
