if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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