if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
