Don't make out with my wife yet
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize