this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
