she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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