What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
