she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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