I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
