If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
you made out with another girl for some wings
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I have post one night stand depression
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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