I wish my penis had an off switch
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
