for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
