it's like russian roulette but with a penis
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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