ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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