Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
