today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Pooping to opera.
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