RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize