Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
