Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy

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(914): View more from New York

Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.

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(607): View more from New York

Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?

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(310): View more from California

Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?

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(818): View more from California

I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.

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