My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
