i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize