Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
