i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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