I wannas sexs uuuuu
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
