His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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